Pro Tip: What to Do When You're Afraid
/If you follow me on social media, you might remember that I promised this post yesterday.
Fear is a very powerful, highly charged feeling. It’s HIGH voltage! And it’s incredibly difficult to moderate without mad skills. If you’ve got unresolved trauma or are highly sensitive (empathic), fear might be one of the hardest feelings to experience and process. So let’s get on with it. Here’s what you can do to help yourself handle fear. (Scroll down for the short version.)
You’re not going to be able to think your way out of it.
Once your fight/flight/freeze response kicks in, all rational thought is out the window. It’s not an option to say, “Calm down” or “Go to your happy place.” So just know that you’re going to have to GET INTO ACTION if you want to process what’s going on. What to do?
Go for a walk/run.
Dance like no one is watching, even if they are.
Pretend like you’re in a kick boxing class and go to town on the air in front of you.
Climb stairs feverishly.
Hit a tennis or racquet ball (appropriately).
These are variations on the theme of GET YOUR BODY MOVING IMMEDIATELY.
You’re not going to be able to think clearly for a minute.
Don’t make any decisions OTHER THAN the one to find your peaceful center—or at least get back near the neighborhood of your peaceful center. When you’re in fear is NOT the time to make choices. Yes, the fight/flight urge is strong, which is why physically moving around is so beneficial. It discharges all that energy. But while you’re in that state, your executive function isn’t really online. You’ve heard me say it before: when emotion goes up, intelligence goes down, so DO NOT MAKE DECISIONS until you’re in a peaceful state.
You’re probably not in a position to communicate well.
Whilst in fear is not the best time for having a chat about the things that matter. Because your biology is locked on “must.survive.at.all.costs,” you’re not going to be able to communicate well with others. Before you say things that you don’t mean or may later regret, learn to practice the pause and ASK FOR A FEW MOMENTS TO COOL OFF.
Maybe you could use a distraction?
While you’re taking the time to cool off by moving around—plan for 20-30 minutes at minimum, longer if you know your cycle takes some time—take your focus off the thing you’re afraid of. I’m not suggesting “forget about it” but rather to give yourself some space away from what triggered you and THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.
Maybe you could use a hug?
Sometimes it helps to have the company of a caring person when you’re afraid. The hug might be physical, but it also could be verbal. Hearing someone say, “you make sense” or “your fear makes sense” might be the very thing you need for your nervous system to shift into neutral. VALIDATION is a powerful stabilizer. A heavy blanket might also be helpful.
The Short Version
Fear is a highly charged emotion and doesn’t respond well to logic. You can’t think your way out of fear, so get into action. MOVE AROUND. Do it a lot and vigorously if you need.
Because intelligence goes down when emotions go up, put a moratorium on decision making and problem solving. Let your sole goal to be finding your peaceful center.
As communication is a challenge in highly emotional states, it’s a good idea to ask the people around you for a few moments to cool off. A simple, “Hey all, I need just a moment to gather my thoughts” will do. And then see number 1.
The highly volatile experience of fear sometimes sends our heads spinning. Find a pleasant distraction to think about (like Cats of Instagram), if just for a moment, to allow your nervous system to shift out of fight/flight/freeze.
Talk to a safe person about your fear and let them hold space for you.
If you’re locked in a fight/flight/freeze pattern, one of the most helpful things you can do is get moving. You may not want to, you may feel like you can’t, you may think it’s not going to work. That’s all good. In this case, I like to leverage this saying: Bring the body and the mind will follow.
Over time you’ll learn how to detect and channel the energy of fear before it causes an unconscious reaction, and you’ll learn how to use it as part of the emotional guidance system that you’re equipped with. For today, just know that fear can be a helpful feeling as we learn to work with it. #lifegoals