Hiccups on the Healing Journey
/You know when you put effort into something and accidentally delete your work? Yeah. That was me writing a blog post for you earlier this week. Shenanigans! Evidently whatever I was writing about wasn’t necessary. Time to start over…
I dedicate this year to the expansion of fun and adventure in my life and the lives of others!
Setting intentions can be powerful forces that shape our choices. After struggling for years with trauma and drama, I have recovered to a point where “safety is my new normal.” As such, the motivation to just find center and “be ok” has shifted to an inner urging to grow and develop beyond anything I’ve already imagined. Please know that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll continue working to help others heal their hearts with renewed enthusiasm for what could be for us all.
When I think about the healing journey, the first concept that comes to mind revolves around change: the awareness that something isn’t working, the desire for something different, and the willingness to do things differently, even if you have no idea what that might be. Courage underlies all change, asking each of us to take new actions that don’t feel quite right.
When we become aware that things aren’t working, we’re often intensely suffering. Pain is, unfortunately, a great motivator, and the repeated cycles and failures often get our attention in loud and torturous ways. Something in us says, “This doesn’t work. I don’t want this anymore.” And we put in motion the change cycle that inevitably brings us to a decision point.
You may have heard that when emotions run high, intelligence runs low, but most of us come to a decision point when we’re highly emotional. We make a declaration to change and we walk forward with commitment and enthusiasm that disappears in a flash once we realize what we’ve done. This is an expected part of the change process, but it may explain why you haven’t stuck with “it.” Become aware of the time that you start to back out and lose motivation. Take notice of what you’re thinking and feeling. Your awareness will help you guide yourself to make conscious choices.
In coaching, we call this “the dip.” All the frenzy and novelty and hope and motivation are high when people first start to take action. But as they start expanding their comfort zones, they face their own resistance. It could be anxiety or illness that comes up, it may be anger or unwillingness, it may be shaming oneself that arises. There are many, many ways that “the dip” shows up. Suddenly everything is fine, and you don’t know what you were thinking…except things aren’t fine, you’re overwhelmed and stuck, and you don’t see a way out. But hey, you were OK before, so let’s just go with that.
Again, all of this is expected in a change cycle. Doing something differently requires the awareness that:
it’s possible
it’s possible for you
what new behaviors will produce desired outcomes
It’s my experience that education, observation, and experimentation are crucial here. Becoming aware that you don’t know what you don’t know often takes some effort, which is where curiosity and wonder come in. Sometimes just saying, “I wonder how I could…“ opens our thinking to something new.
Often the answer that comes after “I wonder how I could…” is, Ask for help.
This is the point at which people who really want to heal will seek help. It may be from a friend or family member, it may be from a colleague or chaplain, it may be from a coach or counselor. We aren’t wounded in isolation, and we don’t heal in isolation. Many people have traveled a similar path and are available to support others’ healing journeys. It’s this reaching out for help that so many of us have struggled with. “I’m fine, I’ve got this” are affirmations that have helped us survive to date. But is the strategy of isolation helping you feel fully alive? Maybe that’s too far a stretch. Is the strategy of isolation helping you feel safe and calm?
I get it. It’s hard to reach out - people aren’t always kind. You’ve been hurt enough, and knowing who’s safe and who’s not isn’t the easiest order. Use your awareness to tune into your responses to various people. Do you feel a sense of lightness or hope around them? Does spending time with them help your energy or bring it down? Do they talk with you in ways that are uplifting?
To help you practice strengthening your awareness, you may consider starting a journaling practice. Write what you’re thinking and feeling. Let yourself validate your experience. If something doesn’t feel good to you, write about it. If something feels wonderful, write about it. Let yourself be fully uncensored as you explore your own experience. This will help bolster your desire to change, which will internally fuel your actions and support your intended outcomes.
Over the next few posts, I’ll talk more about desire, willingness, and courage. Check back in periodically or contact me if you want to hear more.
May all beings be happy and free.