Can you hear the song in your head when you read that title? It’s Closing Time by Semisonic. The song is about every 20-something’s 2 a.m. on a Friday night. Time to leave the bar, kids! ;)
But that’s not what the song means to me. Not 20 years later. Today I reflect on how deeply true it is that new beginnings come from endings. When we celebrated Christmas with the family a couple of days ago, I couldn’t keep myself from sobbing on the way home. Who wants to leave behind family and life-long friends to start over again in a new place? Let me answer that: no one. No one does.
And yet the next adventure awaits! My husband and I promised we’d support one another’s spirit of adventure when we got married, thinking we’d always live where we do and adventure would come in the form of travel. We traveled a little in our first year of marriage, visiting Texas and Georgia, but we didn’t expect to uproot ourselves. . .
If the still, small voice inside didn’t say “go,” I wouldn’t go. But every time I tuned in and asked for my next steps, I was led to this move. It started with Eddie asking if he should apply for the promotion…of course I said yes - it’s valuable to go through the interview process. Neither of us expected he’d get an offer 10 days later (although we should have; he’s a sensation at work).
And so we stand on the verge of leaving kids, parents, siblings, cousins, and friends who are pretty much family as we walk into the newest beginning we’ve ever faced. Together. If I think about the endings, I turn into a pile of mush. If I think about the beginnings, I feel hopeful. Most of the time I prefer the hopeful feelings so I keep my thoughts focused there.
But there’s going to come a day when the full force of my feelings crashes into me like a tsunami. And while I would have questioned my ability to “make it” or to “be ok” 20 years ago, today I am certain and sure—CONFIDENT—that all is well. There’s something inside that tells me so. I’ll keep you posted on the new beginnings and how to get through the endings. Goodness knows so many of us struggle with grief.