Perseverance - Life After Trauma, Part 3 of 3

Welcome back! We’re talking about life after trauma—it can and does get good! In our first conversation, we talked about realizing there’s more. This is that place where our goals go beyond “healing trauma” or “feeling normal” or “just having peace.” It’s where our dreams start to return, and it’s exciting. In our second conversation we talked about first steps toward creating a new life. Today…it’s all about staying the course through our own barriers and blocks.

You see, that first opening is exhilarating. It’s similar to falling in love—senses are heightened, possibilities seem endless, obstacles seem like speed bumps instead of mountains—and that “high” gets us to start moving toward what we want. As we start moving, reality sets in. We have choices to make, priorities to set, and “stuff” to let go of. We realize that the road forward actually does come with its share of potholes, and we start to lose our initial thrill.

This is entirely expected.

In coaching, we call this “the dip.” It’s the same thing that happens in any change management process, and there are ways to work through it. Too many people get here and tell themselves that it shouldn’t be this hard or I don’t have any more energy for a challenge. That makes sense. Here’s the good news: those thoughts are letting you know that you’ve hit your growth edge. You know how people are always referring to the “comfort zone?” Well, here’s the border. And when you know where the border or boundary is, you can start to explore how best to expand it.

This part of the journey requires decisive action on an ongoing basis, and to truly be free, action must come from your wisdom and discernment rather than from what the outside world or conventional wisdom tells you to do. Expanding your comfort zone requires trusting yourself, building courage, and developing resilience. More good news: you’ve been doing this all along!

Trusting yourself is how you got here. It’s that deep listening you’ve done, learning to honor your own guidance, and following your heart and gut. This is, of course, a result of a loving and supportive relationship you build with yourself and your inner world’s population. You know the parts I’m talking about—the part that’s afraid, the part that’s fearless, the part that’s ashamed, the part that’s brilliant… As you learn to hold space for all of those inner parts, you develop more awareness of who You are and what You want. And the parts can relax while You drive. (If it’s not clear, the You I’m referring to is your soul/spirit/higher being).

As you build courage, you gain confidence. Courage is taking action in the face of uncertainty or fear. It’s about having enough trust (not complete trust, per se) in yourself and your ability to handle what may come to take a step forward. Creative living requires taking risks. Inevitably you’re going to face problems, difficulties, and challenges as you create anew. When you move through obstacles successfully, your confidence grows. You trust yourself a little more, and you become more willing to take action without complete information. We discover that taking bold action is a three-part muscle: self-trust, courage, confidence. They truly work together to help us do what we want.

Developing resilience requires setbacks. The very definition is the ability to recover quickly, so that means as we persevere toward our desires we’ll find ourselves out of breath, both literally and figuratively. We may find ourselves low on emotional reserves, physical energy, or mental capacity. Don’t be surprised by this. Your body-mind-spirit is letting you know that it’s time to pop the hood and see what’s going on under the surface. Let the signals point you toward investigating what you need. Maybe you find out that you need rest or support to keep going. Great! How can you get that in a way that will keep you moving in the direction of your dreams?

Don’t let yourself quit when you don’t know what to do, feel fear, or can’t see a way forward. Take a deep breath, drop into your center, and ask yourself what you need in the moment. Come back to a place of peace. Ask yourself if you’re willing to put intentional effort toward the goal. Listen for your answer. Repeat.

The process is simple on paper, but it’s often more difficult to follow in real life. After all, it’s my journey that gives context to what I share. Working with me could help you achieve the results you want with more fun and ease. If you’d like to learn about how life coaching can help you make meaningful changes in your life with purpose and joy, please call me to schedule your free exploratory meeting.