Your Trauma is Real
/You Are Not Alone
To say that "anxiety is at an all-time high for many of us" is probably an oversimplification of what people are experiencing. Not only has the whole of 2020 been a hot mess inside a dumpster fire, but it’s also an election year for a polarized populace.
As of this morning, there is no clear winner in the contest for President. For many people, this is nerve-wracking because they have spent the better part of the last four years cycling through traumatic events and were hoping that would end with a change in the Oval. If you’re one of those people, this message is for you.
There is Nothing Wrong with You
With every news headline, press conference, and tweet, we have been subjected to incredibly unhealthy, if dangerous and destructive, behavior. I’m not going to describe it here, because that might be triggering for some people. Just know that if you feel like you’re going crazy, it’s because you’re seeing crazy-making behavior AND you know that it’s not OK. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you take nothing else from this, take that to heart: There is nothing wrong with you.
You Will Heal
Your experience is real. Your feelings are real. Your shock, disdain, disbelief, and horror are real. Your fatigue is real. Your overwhelm is real. Your inability to function is real. Your anxiety, fear, and terror are real. AND! You will heal. That’s message number two to hang on to: You will heal.
I’m not addressing the nation right now, as we are a body of individuals. So I’m talking to the person who’s sitting here reading this and wondering, “How the fuck am I supposed to move forward now? There’s chaos all around me. I don’t feel safe in the world. I can’t understand how others don’t see what I see. I feel like I’m one hand clapping in the wind. And people keep telling me how to handle this shit, but I can’t eat, sleep, or function right now.” Sometimes this feels like it’s never going to end, especially when you’re in the middle of it. Again, there’s nothing wrong with you and you will heal.
Practice Kindness
I want you to know that the trauma cycle and its accompanying stress and anxiety does have a natural conclusion. The challenge is when you’re “stuck” in “freeze” mode — you know it: the inability to DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING, that seems productive or useful. Spinning, inside and out, is characteristic of this experience, and it can be deeply frustrating. The most important thing you can do right now is to be kind. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you—your body-mind-spirit is trying to find homeostasis. Remember, you will heal—the body can heal itself when we support it well. And to do so, we must be kind (think gentle, tender, the way you would be with a newborn child who’s got no fucking idea how to take care of itself).
Just be kind to yourself.
If you eat too much or too little, let that be OK, just for today.
If you sleep too much or too little, let that be OK, just for today.
If you overreact or under react to a stressor, let that be OK, just for today.
If you are confused or make mistakes, let that be OK, just for today.
If you are antsy or irritable, let that be OK, just for today.
It may seem like you’re nowhere. Maybe you’ve left your body, maybe you’re unable to find your words. Maybe you wonder where your brain went. Let that all be OK, just for today.
It’s OK to Not Have It Together
Sometimes we fear that if we let ourselves off the hook and extend grace for our experience, we’ll never get ourselves together. I hear you. And just for today, let it be OK that you’re not all together.
And if today is too much, take smaller steps. Maybe you let yourself be OK for an hour, maybe for a minute, maybe for one breath. I believe in you. You CAN do this as you shorten your steps and focus on one at a time.
One last thing: remember that “nowhere” if you slow it down and put space in it… is “Now Here.” Take this one with you, too: If you slow down and put some space inside your thoughts, you can create a new experience.